"Spur of the moment" is a term meaning (according to Urban Dictionary) to do something off the cuff. I am not a spur of the moment type of gal, but I am. You see, I was told that if you are scared to do something, you have to do it to overcome that fear. So hence my not-so-spontaneous self turns into a rather spontaneous person. This weekend was very spontaneous, resulting in a very last minute trip to Connecticut with my mother.
On planes I can't help but think. I think about everything. I never go a minute without some question or scenario popping in my head.
As I look out the window I see so many things, and the biggest thing I see is how small everything is. You may be thinking well yeah, you're 30,000 feet up in the air things are sure to be small! But i am thinking in a much different way. Most people think wow I can see so much from up here, or wow everything is so tiny, everyone is little ants. When I look at the earth in this way I realize how insignificant everything is. There are so many cars filled with so many people doing so many things. People might be listening to music or cursing at the cars in front of them. And even the people in the buildings, what are they doing? They could be getting fired, making up, breaking up, making a pie, taking an art class. Who knows? And in a sense no one really knows. There are only a certain amount of people that you know now and a "bigger" certain amount of people that you are going to know in your lifetime. The point I'm trying to get at and the question I am trying to answer is, is there a point to life or are we all just insignificant?
I am not much of a party-go-toer, and if I happen to stumble on one of these occasions (usually family parties) I tend to sit back and watch and let the other people do the talking. Whether this is selfish of me, I don't know. So when this family party started I was over near the snack table. Guacamole and crackers do not sound like they go well together, but when you do not have any tortilla chips to dunk in, crackers are your next best choice.
Now, even though I have a family full of nurses and writers, I knew I was not going to find what the meaning of life was through the conversations we had. But I did find some of the meanings to life that people cherish and hold forever. Many of the things that people cherish tend to be the things that they live for. A line someone said to me this night was (not word for word) "I think you are supposed to love the people you know and make them feel happy and be happy yourself. I think that is a key point in life." This stuck out to me and I totally agree. There are so many people in this world that are unhappy. And this makes me sad, because I know that one of the things that I can knock out for being the reason for living on Earth, is unhappiness. It does not even cross my mind as a possibility. It amazes me at how unbelievably different everyone is, but so similar at the same time. I still do not know how this is possible, but it is beautiful. I see kids running for hours and aunts playing back gammon like they are playing for their lives! And it makes me so happy. So happy that everyone is finding their happiness.
Over the course of this trip, I had more Dunkin Doughnuts than I've had in my life time. I did not have my sisters there with me, so it was weird and i felt awkward and anxious at first, but I felt more of a connection with the people I talked to rather than a conversation with people and my sisters. Although it would have been nice to have them come along for the quick but pleasing adventure, maybe it was good to take a break and enjoy the scenery with just my mom which has never happened before. Take a break from the laughter and endless jokes, and take in Todd's Point and take in the exciting moments that you have to deal with yourself, without the safety of the ones you know better to rely on. Step outside your comfort zone. People in the world are never going to find who they truly are without exploring and wandering outside the almost empty box of a world that we are called to live in. The world is not a box, it is a sphere whose crevices leak beyond the straight and enclosing walls that people see it to be. The definition of life according to Urban Dictionary "is now. quit wasting it. I mean come on! your looking up the definition for life. so lame. go do something!"